Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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