girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
