her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He shit in the fireplace
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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