I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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