Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
