I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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