so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
