Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
