Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
