Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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