I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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