I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
