Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
