my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
