Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
