I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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