Cold hands, warm shart.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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