I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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