woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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