i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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