oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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