btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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