you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Success! We fucked roommates!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
