Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
