My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
