My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
