just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
