You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
