the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
