Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
