I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
