tell your sister to shave her snatch
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
