you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
