I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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