I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
