Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
