who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
