just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
