about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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