My room smells like vodka and shame
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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