i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
