He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
whose ass print is on the piano?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
