Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
