Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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