so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
