omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
