oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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