The maid of honor just puked.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
someone owes me an orgasm
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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