too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
