i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
