Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
