i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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