somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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