well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No stitches, just platelets and will power
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
