good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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