after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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