I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
