I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
