I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
