If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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