I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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