I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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