So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
