the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
