I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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