I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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