He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This toilet bowl is my home.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
