Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
this will be a night to untag.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
