It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk is not a location!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
