Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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