This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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