He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
