I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
