i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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