Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
