Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
