you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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