dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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