drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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