Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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